Confidence Is A Lie

Yesterday I took my 17 yo daughter to get her nose pierced for her birthday present. It wasn’t just any nose piercing. It was all three. Both nostrils and a septum, and I tell you, she sat through three consecutive 16 gauge needles like a champ!

I had my eyebrow pierced when I was 16, and it’s not fun; no matter how you take pain, it’s a massive needle travelling through your skin.

But she did it, and I was so proud of how well she sat through all three (she had some watery eyes), but she didn’t quit when given a chance.

But this story is not about how brave she was to get the look she wanted. This story is about the body modification artist’s confidence every second since the moment we stepped through the door.

And maybe this girl, we’ll call her Trish, had super confidence because she was drop-dead gorgeous. But she wasn’t beautiful in the ordinary sense of perfect features, petite body, big boobs, blonde hair. This lady was lovely because she had a lady gaga type of face, a stocky, flat-chested body, but she ROCKED IT! Stunning tattoos and muscles that could probably pop my head off my neck and piercings bejeweled her slightly-too-large-by-society’s-standard nose.

She presented herself as if she would not let anyone put her down for any of her body mod decisions. That she possibly attends kickboxing or dance or a mix of both to get a body like that and doesn’t worry what others think as she’s shaking her booty to drop the weight.

Her confidence made me feel inadequate.

Trish, I’m sure, has put many years of hard work into how she looks now, and it’s something I think a lot of us are missing out on.

Me included.

I grew up with middle-class parents. Normal enough. Except that I was a little darker than the rest. I experimented with suicidal poetry, dark makeup, KoRn hairstyles, and clothing that shouldn’t belong to any style genre.

And often, I was told I was ‘not allowed to walk out the door looking like that.’

I was told I wasn’t allowed to wear my makeup like that. My choice of hairstyle or clothing was commented to be ‘inappropriate’ or ‘slobby.’

And sadly I still have people in my life that speak to me like this.

Never was I told I was beautiful when I didn’t wear makeup. Only that I looked hideous if drew black lines down from my eyes (hey, it was the goth style at that time.)

But this story is NOT about dissing my parents’ parenting style. They did, by all means, learn from their parents. And their parents from their parents. So realistically, I, along with a lot of you, was raised by the society before us that was never supportive/accommodating/accepting/diversified or all around just loving.

This is also why so many are still against LGBTQ and body modification.

Gosh, watching Umbrella Academy reminds me just how recently we accepted any race of human!

Let’s all remember something here.

It’s called The Human Race for a reason.

We are all struggling to put one foot in front of another and make it to the finish line as human beings. Not monsters that hate others and make others feel crappy just for the hell of it. No matter how bitter and miserable someone is, all they want is to be accepted and loved at the very root of them.

That’s why so many have low confidence.

Because we are all judging and critiquing others.

And then we begin to judge and critique ourselves.

We think we can’t talk/walk/act or dress this way or something might think or look at us differently. We are our own biggest bullies and that needs to stop.

Every human is beautiful for being different. And if we stopped worrying about what others thought of us (because deep down, they’re more worried about what you think of them), confidence would grow because you deserve to love yourself the most and be confident in your decisions.

Especially if someone says, you look ugly, fat, or stupid. That is only their perception, and quite possibly, it’s been skewed by someone else’s opinion that was pressed on that person (most likely as a child.)

Love yourself One Hundred Percent and watch your true self blossom under the new confidence that is literally who you are. Decide on your outfit, dare to be a little different, and rock that decision. Because at the end of the day, confidence is literally us lying to ourselves that we look great, even when our inside voice says otherwise. So lie to yourself until you begin to believe those words. And then others will see that confidence. And they, too, will be inspired to have more confidence.

So here’s to the spring trimming. Remove all those unnecessary hurts you carry with you and grow some real confidence this year. You only have to fake it, to make it.

Happy Spring,

Norma Rrae

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