Being an ’80s baby, I grew up before the mental health movement, where we all became more aware of things like autism, ADHD, mental health sufferings and all that fun stuff in our heads that we now call home.
During my upbringing, I remember my aunts or uncles joking- “don’t give that kid sugar.” But even at that young age, I knew my burning energy had to get out somehow. Unfortunately, the first thing offered was street drugs. I thank my lucky stars every day I survived what I did, but I did, and now I find new ways to channel this whirlwind of thoughts in my brain.
At one point, I was told I was a psychopath. Another I was told I might be autistic. The list goes on- ADHD, no character, lucky I’m pretty, lucky I’m a girl, and more. But in the end, it all came down to my wild imagination stringing words at the moment that sometimes superseded the level of expertise expected that made people scared, worried or intimated. Other times I can’t string three words together or remember what I had for dinner last night. That happens more often.
I also suffer from that condition that I cannot recognize people’s faces, sometimes this is scarier than what you can imagine.
So, I bury all my fears and worries into words.
I’m told Stephen king had night terrors. He wrote about what he experienced. I feel that. I can’t sleep with the closet door open. I love horror movies but have literally had panic attacks from them (The Cabin in the Woods was one that spun that out of control.)
Too often, I over think situations. I fear worse case scenarios. I see the worst outcome of absolutely everything, it’s really not a fun feeling.
I have social anxiety so crippling I literally enjoy anything other than social interactions. but I’m also a people watcher and can read someone’s emotions and sometimes turmoil even the moment they step in the room.
The truth is, I’ve trained my brain to stretch in this direction. I’ve told my imagination to create wild possibilities and weave it even further.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Keep it wild,
Norma Rrae
