We all want change.

Change our jobs, change our bodies, change our diets, hair, clothing, living room.

On the plus side, there is lots of helpful and sound change.

Spiritual people believe you should clean or shift things in your living space every so often to ‘remove old energy.’ I don’t know about remounting my TV every three months, but my best friend has forced me to rearrange my living room in the past. That was not enjoyable. She knows. She knows.

I change my clothing daily so why not change my hair daily, and sometimes, my personality daily. I don’t always wake up happy. Sometimes I wake up sad and then get mad, other times I wake and anger creeps in before anything else has a chance. I don’t choose rage that day, but it happens.

We are different every single day of our lives, so why not be different everyday. Change until changing no longer becomes changing, it just becomes being.

Amazingly that changes my appearance hugely. I also have many different glasses, but even taking my glasses off and being Clark Kent throws people way off. Case in point- see my book jacket author photo. I’ve heard people say, “that doesn’t look like you,” and “how long ago did you take that photo?” (a year and a half now *eye roll*)

So I suppose I do change often.

Every single cell in our body goes through a cycle and every seven years, each and every cell has had a chance to die and be reborn. Which means every seven years we are a completely new person.

I like to think everyday I’m a completely new person. Everyday is a fresh chance.

Okay, that was tacky. Sorry, but it’s true. I drive through the same place every year during the winter months to collect firewood but each and every trip comes with new conversations, animal sightings, snow, rain, and flurries. And maybe it’s just my brain sees new things in old things every time but I think it’s also part of how we constantly change.

And that’s all the nice easy fluffy change.

What about deep rooted issues we want to change? PTSD, anxiety, depression, flashbacks, fear. Fear.

How long do the nicotine stains fade from your teeth after smoking for twenty years? I think this to myself every morning when I smile at the mirror post teeth brushing. They still looked yellow, and my teeth were stained from years and years of pumping toxins into my body to numb issues even more profoundly.

I suppose the same amount of time it takes for your body to forget trauma is how long it takes for drug stains to fade.

So how long does deep down, inner personal, true change take?

To no longer shudder when someone’s too near.

To no longer nightmare when the room is clear.

Until a change where I can feel just fine, I’ll pretend, I’ll fake.

Norma Rrae