The Great Divergence Fifty Something

This telegram is to the woman that I love

Know that what has happened to me is not your fault

Caught in a lover’s embrace, Pa had turned me in for the disgrace

I forgive him too, for he loses himself in his trap line

I stare down the gallows because I didn’t keep our love hidden. It was forbidden

Embraced in the carriage, surrounded by wild horses on the Great Plains

My fingertips on your creamy skin as I kissed your pearly lips

We laid between the mink fur blankets until dawn

Memories I will take with me, store them in a heart-shaped box

Life was beautiful with my love for you

Days were long. Now they grow short

I fit in place

This letter is to the man that I love

Know that nothing will ever happen to me

because that is your karma for how you treated me

It was always a game, and you had to win

life couldn’t be without sin

I could never be as good, for I am not a man

A woman’s job is at home, but that’s not enough

Your arrogance is putrid

Egotistically turning from my touch. Are you secretly dreaming of another?

Maybe not even the womanly curve of a body

There is no passion. You never granted me the luxury of a baby

Now I’m looked at as useless, not my words

He put me in my place, but I didn’t fit

This email is to the one that I should have loved

Know that this is all your fault

When my heart pinged, I held my breath

The funny thing is with pain, is it will pass.

And I still stay up all night to play the game

Ignoring my body as it screamed for help

Nausea drifting up my throat, I swallow antacids

McDonald’s cheeseburger please, extra pickles, extra cheese

Here take a diet pill.

What do you want to change about yourself?

Everything is possible. And I’ve tried some too.

To smile when I see myself. I change my hair colour, injected poison in my face, makeup, corsets, microblading, tattooing, threading.

Electrical Twitter impulses create my heart

But the world is made, so we don’t fit