The Great Divergence Fifty Something
This telegram is to the woman that I love
Know that what has happened to me is not your fault
Caught in a lover’s embrace, Pa had turned me in for the disgrace
I forgive him too, for he loses himself in his trap line
I stare down the gallows because I didn’t keep our love hidden. It was forbidden
Embraced in the carriage, surrounded by wild horses on the Great Plains
My fingertips on your creamy skin as I kissed your pearly lips
We laid between the mink fur blankets until dawn
Memories I will take with me, store them in a heart-shaped box
Life was beautiful with my love for you
Days were long. Now they grow short
I fit in place
This letter is to the man that I love
Know that nothing will ever happen to me
because that is your karma for how you treated me
It was always a game, and you had to win
life couldn’t be without sin
I could never be as good, for I am not a man
A woman’s job is at home, but that’s not enough
Your arrogance is putrid
Egotistically turning from my touch. Are you secretly dreaming of another?
Maybe not even the womanly curve of a body
There is no passion. You never granted me the luxury of a baby
Now I’m looked at as useless, not my words
He put me in my place, but I didn’t fit
This email is to the one that I should have loved
Know that this is all your fault
When my heart pinged, I held my breath
The funny thing is with pain, is it will pass.
And I still stay up all night to play the game
Ignoring my body as it screamed for help
Nausea drifting up my throat, I swallow antacids
McDonald’s cheeseburger please, extra pickles, extra cheese
Here take a diet pill.
What do you want to change about yourself?
Everything is possible. And I’ve tried some too.
To smile when I see myself. I change my hair colour, injected poison in my face, makeup, corsets, microblading, tattooing, threading.
Electrical Twitter impulses create my heart
But the world is made, so we don’t fit